Theory #2: The Invisible Tangled Web: Part A - The Perils of ACTUAL actualization
Well, almost a week has gone by since my first post and I am pleased to report that the estate of Immanuel Kant has not yet tried to contact me about a law suit.
This is a good sign, especially because I plan to rip off John Stuart Mill in Theory # 3 “Freedom from “Freedom From””. Coincidentally I will also be borrowing from his father James somewhere around Theory #10, tentatively titled “Practical Applications of Utilitarianism when an Alien Threatens to Kill You”. Believe it or not, I am actually dead serious about all this, though I’ll admit that that title still needs work.
Tree-huggers often say “You can’t own a tree, man.” I say “You can’t own a thought, man”. I believe that so much I may even carve it into one of my trees.
In any event, today I plan to give you something a little more original – “The Invisible Tangled Web”, wherein I attempt to prove that we are all eating each other’s garbage, metaphorically speaking.
Our story begins with a brief discussion about poker.
I occasionally speak on a popular and, dare I say, groundbreaking poker podcast. There I was, chatting about my belief that Dan Harrington’s book, though the most important work on the subject, was quickly losing relevance when it comes to late tournament play. Too many are people going all in when a certain calculation clicks. Too predictable. Time to buck the trend. But I digress . .
The host of the show asked me for a specific example of when I applied my beliefs. I mentioned a 1000 person tournament. He asked where I finished. I responded something to the effect of “I think like 15th”
Two very important things occurred to me as I muttered these words.
The first is that, much like everyone else in the world between the age of 10 and 40, I can not stop inserting the word “like” in every sentence. It is a grammatical epidemic of “y’all” proportions.
Second, and more importantly, I had lied. I knew exactly where I finished. I finished 25th. 25th isn’t bad. 15th is a little better, but 25th is better than, say, 650th. A lot better.
Why had I lied? What listener could possibly care whether I finished 15th or 25th? I had willfully exaggerated to make myself seem like a better poker player. This is something I did all the time in 2003 (when I had more sex), but 33 year-old, honest, no sex Mark is supposed to be passed this. (Or is it past this?) I had surprised myself with a manifestation of my own insecurity. I am dealing with that now by telling you about it (safe in the assumption that “you” is a number very small number of people.)
For a while now, I, like many bloggers, have been working on my own self-actualization. Trying to get to know the real me. Trying to be more honest with myself about my own motivations, insecurities and imperfections. I have made a lot of personal changes as a result.
Clearly I am not done. Even if I had finished 15th in the tournament I wouldn’t be done. Being completely honest with yourself is very difficult; some would say even more difficult than being honest with others around you.
The problem is, anyone who would say it is MORE difficult to be honest with yourself has committed a very serious flaw in reasoning. How is it even possible to be honest with others if you aren’t being honest with yourself? How can I tell you the truth if I don’t know it?
Forget about basic everyday lies where you knowingly say something that isn’t true. What about all of those hidden lies, where you believe you are telling the truth but don’t realize that you have already lied to yourself before you even started the conversation.
Things like . . .
“I worked as hard as I could on this sir”
or
“If it had been me I would have done this”
or
“I will love you for the rest of my life”
or
“I can change”
There is no way to know how many lies are out there. All we really know is that it is very difficult for each of us to be totally honest with ourselves, and that almost everyone likes to talk as much as possible.
I believe this is a scary proposition that has a profound impact on society. I will explain further in Part B of Theory 2, “The Broken Honesty Chain.”
This is a good sign, especially because I plan to rip off John Stuart Mill in Theory # 3 “Freedom from “Freedom From””. Coincidentally I will also be borrowing from his father James somewhere around Theory #10, tentatively titled “Practical Applications of Utilitarianism when an Alien Threatens to Kill You”. Believe it or not, I am actually dead serious about all this, though I’ll admit that that title still needs work.
Tree-huggers often say “You can’t own a tree, man.” I say “You can’t own a thought, man”. I believe that so much I may even carve it into one of my trees.
In any event, today I plan to give you something a little more original – “The Invisible Tangled Web”, wherein I attempt to prove that we are all eating each other’s garbage, metaphorically speaking.
Our story begins with a brief discussion about poker.
I occasionally speak on a popular and, dare I say, groundbreaking poker podcast. There I was, chatting about my belief that Dan Harrington’s book, though the most important work on the subject, was quickly losing relevance when it comes to late tournament play. Too many are people going all in when a certain calculation clicks. Too predictable. Time to buck the trend. But I digress . .
The host of the show asked me for a specific example of when I applied my beliefs. I mentioned a 1000 person tournament. He asked where I finished. I responded something to the effect of “I think like 15th”
Two very important things occurred to me as I muttered these words.
The first is that, much like everyone else in the world between the age of 10 and 40, I can not stop inserting the word “like” in every sentence. It is a grammatical epidemic of “y’all” proportions.
Second, and more importantly, I had lied. I knew exactly where I finished. I finished 25th. 25th isn’t bad. 15th is a little better, but 25th is better than, say, 650th. A lot better.
Why had I lied? What listener could possibly care whether I finished 15th or 25th? I had willfully exaggerated to make myself seem like a better poker player. This is something I did all the time in 2003 (when I had more sex), but 33 year-old, honest, no sex Mark is supposed to be passed this. (Or is it past this?) I had surprised myself with a manifestation of my own insecurity. I am dealing with that now by telling you about it (safe in the assumption that “you” is a number very small number of people.)
For a while now, I, like many bloggers, have been working on my own self-actualization. Trying to get to know the real me. Trying to be more honest with myself about my own motivations, insecurities and imperfections. I have made a lot of personal changes as a result.
Clearly I am not done. Even if I had finished 15th in the tournament I wouldn’t be done. Being completely honest with yourself is very difficult; some would say even more difficult than being honest with others around you.
The problem is, anyone who would say it is MORE difficult to be honest with yourself has committed a very serious flaw in reasoning. How is it even possible to be honest with others if you aren’t being honest with yourself? How can I tell you the truth if I don’t know it?
Forget about basic everyday lies where you knowingly say something that isn’t true. What about all of those hidden lies, where you believe you are telling the truth but don’t realize that you have already lied to yourself before you even started the conversation.
Things like . . .
“I worked as hard as I could on this sir”
or
“If it had been me I would have done this”
or
“I will love you for the rest of my life”
or
“I can change”
There is no way to know how many lies are out there. All we really know is that it is very difficult for each of us to be totally honest with ourselves, and that almost everyone likes to talk as much as possible.
I believe this is a scary proposition that has a profound impact on society. I will explain further in Part B of Theory 2, “The Broken Honesty Chain.”
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2 Comments:
25th! Maybe you should go back to Harrington.
I love this blog and I will keep reading it I promise!
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