Theory 6: Equivalent Happiness. Part A: We’re All Idiots

Looking back, I was a pretty smart kid. I remember understanding, even at 12 years old, that living the tedium of life would force me into all kinds of decisions that I couldn’t understand at that age. I accepted that I would change as I gained wisdom. Even then, I made a solemn vow to myself that no matter what I would stay true to three simple promises: First, I vowed that what I would end up a good person. Second, I vowed that I would be happy. (It’s funny that I felt certain that these two were very separate.) Finally, I promised I would stay true to my dream of being a rock star, because I knew that I had what it takes.

I said I was pretty smart, I never said I was a genius. Looking back, I probably should have practiced more if I wanted to be a rock star. I have had to let that one go. However, for some strange reason, the first two have stuck with me. I still constantly find myself asking what 12 year-old Mark would say, constantly needing the reassurance that my inner child would approve of my moral and philosophical choices.

We can talk about being a good person another time. Today I want to focus on my promise to be happy.

As you can see, I consider happiness one of the most fundamentally important goals in life. Luckily, I do think that I am a pretty happy person, and I still think 12 year-old Mark can share in some credit. I have spent a good part of my life pursuing the science of what makes people happy. (Actually, I have spent most of it working on how I can be happy, because I have lived much of my life in a narcissistic cloud, but you still can’t help but do some people-watching in the process.)

In order to add some context, I should point out that I often take criticism for my life choices, and this issue speaks directly as to why. A lot of people whom I respect have long accused me of being too focused on short-term happiness. They would like to see me focus more on long-term happiness. Luckily, none of them have web sites that rationally break down their arguments, so I can say what I want uncontested. Furthermore, I think that these people fail to understand the simple logic that if you are capable of always being happy in the short term, then you never actually need to worry about the long term. I actually think that it works that way. I am not saying that you should just live for today and sacrifice tomorrow. I think that when you sacrifice today in the grand theme of things, you are also sacrificing part of tomorrow, and vice versa. I don’t consider life a marathon or a sprint; I have it pegged as more of a high jump.

(For those that read my Intermission post, let me just say that I am sort of ignoring hangovers because I am talking on a broader scale.)

You probably want to know what I think it is that makes people happy. Here is my revolutionary finding: Almost nothing. Happiness is an internal condition, and external things or events have little or no impact. They never suddenly make an unhappy person a happy one. Each individual person pretty much cruises through life at a certain level of happiness based on some internal setting. Big events, like the death of a loved one, or winning a lottery, or winning the lottery the same day a loved one dies, can cause all kinds of short term spikes. Sometimes one event can have an impact for months. In the end, sure enough, the same old level of happiness creeps back.

Don’t believe me? Go ahead – play along and pick someone you have known for a long time. Watch this person closely over a period of months. Watch as they anticipate certain events and watch as different events unfold. I think you’ll find that happiness generally doesn’t change.

Let me put it another way – I think people tend to run on the same baseline for all of their emotions. Do you know somebody who is always stressed? Have you noticed that when there are no big issues, this person stresses incessantly over little ones. However, when a slightly bigger issue arises, the person has no problem setting aside or ignoring little issues to focus on real problems? The stress level has remained constant in spite of the change in the magnitude of the issues faced. We say things like “the little things don’t seem so important now,” but they were important, in that we use them to set out internal emotions to the levels where we feel most comfortable.

I think we all do this in our own way. Isn’t it a strange thought to think that all of the details in our lives, the ones that make us happy and the ones that make us stressed, aren’t even important enough to differentiate? We just pick and choose things to focus on so that we can allow ourselves to maintain that same even keel? Shouldn’t that make us feel stupid for spending so much time thinking about these issues?

You’re damn right it should.

You may be wondering if I am suggesting that people can’t change there level of happiness. Is it even worth trying? Well, I do think it worth trying to be happier. Pursuing happiness is a key part of life. I just think we are all idiots and that is why we are all really bad at it. I think all of us foolishly wander through life like ants doing tasks without a sufficient understanding as to how we can make ourselves happier.

I say “all of us”, but I only mean most of us.

What is even cooler is that some new research and books back up parts of this theory and take it to new levels that I had never previously considered. I’ll reference them soon.

And so I will leave you with the promise that in Part B, I will field my theory on exactly why many of us feel unhappy, and what I think we need to do to get better. I won’t promise an easy answer, just a long and difficult one. If it was easy I would be a lot happier. However, I will promise that some of these Book of Mark theories will finally start working together instead of being stand-alone attempts at being clever.

I am looking forward to see if I can pull it off. So is that judgmental 12 year-old runt.