Book of Mark Christmas Special - The True Spirit of Christmas (Specials)
I had a weak moment on Saturday night. I was full of disruptive chemicals and mutinous thoughts as I meandered through some back-Toronto alleys on my way home to my condo. It was about 2:30 in the morning and I decided, having fought off the urge to bum a cigarette from anyone during the evening, that I would stop in and buy a pack for the sake of enjoying just one smoke. (As someone with Crohn’s Disease, this is even more stupid then it would be for most people.)
This was not meant to signal any plans of re-emerging as a full time smoker; I just felt like it. Nonetheless, here in Canada where insane taxes lift the price of smokes to $10 per pack, this was still a rather remarkable impulse buy.
The next evening, about to retire and remembering that I was flush with cigarettes, I figured I’d head down for final a breath of poisoned-treated fresh air and then do the right thing and give the smokes away.
A couple of homeless people were nearby so I figured I’d give the nearly full pack to them. They thanked me and I walked back to the front of my building to finish my cigarette.
Now, if you have any experience watching horrible television you should already be way ahead of me here. Cheesy scenes involving homeless people and “the gang” learning a valuable lesson about “giving” are a key part of the network TV Xmas special formula.
Before I headed back in, I looked over and, to my surprise, the two homeless people had grown into a group of homeless people. Word had spread on the street about the tobacco mother-lode, and it turned out that these homeless people had no problem with sharing.
As you can imagine, this made me realize something truly important: I live by a lot of homeless people. No wonder I got such a good deal on the condo.
I looked over back at them with the obligatory amount of sympathy, and then my mind started to wander as I pictured their hard lives and imagined what impact street life must have on their respective life expectancies. I even wondered whether it was really such a nice gesture to give them, or anyone else, cigarettes. You certainly aren’t helping anyone’s plight, and you are only enabling unhealthy behaviours. (Canadian spelling)
It was only then that the full picture of that had happened truly dawned on me, and I understood the true spirit of a Book of Mark Christmas: I uncovered a twisted line of reasoning that made me feel a little better without actually having to do anything.
Check my math here:
1) Cigarettes are bad for you. It was dumb of me to buy them.
2) I, and many others, still clearly enjoy cigarettes on some level.
3) Homeless people have it tough, so much so that I would assume their life expectancy suffers.
4) I would further assume that homeless people are less likely to die or become seriously ill from smoking. They share the same risks as the rest of us, but other risks such as hunger, cold, lack of nutrients, unsafe surroundings, possibly more serious drug addictions etc. likely combine to pose a greater threat.
5) In fact, one could probably go far as to suggest that smoking, statistically speaking, has less of an impact on the health of homeless people as it does on others.
Do you see where I am going here? I had hit on a hidden efficiency. The pleasure of smoking, which someone like me can not afford to engage in, is less harmful to the homeless. It is a luxury that they can better afford than I can. By giving them cigarettes, I had turned a negative into a positive. Rather than hurting myself, I was enhancing their life, also hurting them, but in a way that was less likely to matter. They got to enjoy the benefit, and, to use a football analogy, the penalty would likely be declined
I waved goodnight to them and went upstairs to my room with a new vision for the future:
I hereby declare TODAY (whatever day it is that you are reading this) the first ever “International Give a Homeless Person a Cigarette Day”.
Hey, we can all do more, and most of us probably won’t, but this is something even the laziest of us can do (provided that you are a smoker). If you are not a smoker, but you happen to be a real do-gooder, go into a variety store and experience the joy of buying your first pack of smokes, then turn around and give them away.
To sum up
a) I found a way to discuss the plight of the homeless and made a very token attempt at improving their lives while still doing nothing to address the problem itself.
b) I made a bunch of assumptions without backing them up in any way, and then used those assumptions to support my point.
c) I spoke in a smug manner and acted as though I was superior while offering no reason for anyone to accept this.
That, my friends, is how you make a Christmas Special. Now get out there and give away some smokes.
This was not meant to signal any plans of re-emerging as a full time smoker; I just felt like it. Nonetheless, here in Canada where insane taxes lift the price of smokes to $10 per pack, this was still a rather remarkable impulse buy.
The next evening, about to retire and remembering that I was flush with cigarettes, I figured I’d head down for final a breath of poisoned-treated fresh air and then do the right thing and give the smokes away.
A couple of homeless people were nearby so I figured I’d give the nearly full pack to them. They thanked me and I walked back to the front of my building to finish my cigarette.
Now, if you have any experience watching horrible television you should already be way ahead of me here. Cheesy scenes involving homeless people and “the gang” learning a valuable lesson about “giving” are a key part of the network TV Xmas special formula.
Before I headed back in, I looked over and, to my surprise, the two homeless people had grown into a group of homeless people. Word had spread on the street about the tobacco mother-lode, and it turned out that these homeless people had no problem with sharing.
As you can imagine, this made me realize something truly important: I live by a lot of homeless people. No wonder I got such a good deal on the condo.
I looked over back at them with the obligatory amount of sympathy, and then my mind started to wander as I pictured their hard lives and imagined what impact street life must have on their respective life expectancies. I even wondered whether it was really such a nice gesture to give them, or anyone else, cigarettes. You certainly aren’t helping anyone’s plight, and you are only enabling unhealthy behaviours. (Canadian spelling)
It was only then that the full picture of that had happened truly dawned on me, and I understood the true spirit of a Book of Mark Christmas: I uncovered a twisted line of reasoning that made me feel a little better without actually having to do anything.
Check my math here:
1) Cigarettes are bad for you. It was dumb of me to buy them.
2) I, and many others, still clearly enjoy cigarettes on some level.
3) Homeless people have it tough, so much so that I would assume their life expectancy suffers.
4) I would further assume that homeless people are less likely to die or become seriously ill from smoking. They share the same risks as the rest of us, but other risks such as hunger, cold, lack of nutrients, unsafe surroundings, possibly more serious drug addictions etc. likely combine to pose a greater threat.
5) In fact, one could probably go far as to suggest that smoking, statistically speaking, has less of an impact on the health of homeless people as it does on others.
Do you see where I am going here? I had hit on a hidden efficiency. The pleasure of smoking, which someone like me can not afford to engage in, is less harmful to the homeless. It is a luxury that they can better afford than I can. By giving them cigarettes, I had turned a negative into a positive. Rather than hurting myself, I was enhancing their life, also hurting them, but in a way that was less likely to matter. They got to enjoy the benefit, and, to use a football analogy, the penalty would likely be declined
I waved goodnight to them and went upstairs to my room with a new vision for the future:
I hereby declare TODAY (whatever day it is that you are reading this) the first ever “International Give a Homeless Person a Cigarette Day”.
Hey, we can all do more, and most of us probably won’t, but this is something even the laziest of us can do (provided that you are a smoker). If you are not a smoker, but you happen to be a real do-gooder, go into a variety store and experience the joy of buying your first pack of smokes, then turn around and give them away.
To sum up
a) I found a way to discuss the plight of the homeless and made a very token attempt at improving their lives while still doing nothing to address the problem itself.
b) I made a bunch of assumptions without backing them up in any way, and then used those assumptions to support my point.
c) I spoke in a smug manner and acted as though I was superior while offering no reason for anyone to accept this.
That, my friends, is how you make a Christmas Special. Now get out there and give away some smokes.
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3 Comments:
Oh great, you are supporting their habits. Now they are going to spend their "hard earned" change on smokes and keep pestering me.
You should have bought them a mikey of vodka too.
Wouldn't it have been quicker to just say "Bah Humbug".
Classic error of neo-conservatives attempting to support vices everywhere.
Smoking has two forms of consequences - long term, relatively irreversible, health harms. This would include the risk of emphysema and cancer. The incremental risk of these conditions is proportional to the cumulative amount smoked and is also dependent on genetic predisposition. Your argeument holds true for these conditions.
However, there are also highly reversible smoking related harms - such as the risk of heart attack and stroke and the risk of respiratory tract infections. For these conditions the short term harms of smoking may outweigh some of the many others short term harms the homeless face - such as malnutrition. In fact these risks are likely synergistic - i.e. a malnourished smoker is much more likely to develop a serious infection than a malnourished non-smoker.
Where your argument has potential merit is on the possibility that smoking and homelessness are both related to a third factor - underlying mental illness. There is evidence that smoking alters brain chemical levels in a way that may help protect against certain mental illnessess (e.g. depression).
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